A Good Life

Philosophers and thinkers of all ages have contemplated the meaning and essence of a good life. Is it a complex, interior domain consisting of an amalgam of values, motivations, insights and mental states? Or does it consist of exterior elements relating to status, possessions, health and freedom from want or fear? Are there examples of a good life that can be emulated? However it is defined or measured, a good life is worth pursuing.

I believe a good life consists of internal and external factors which, when harmonized, balanced, and integrated, promote happiness. Is this desirable state easy to attain and enhance? Can anyone achieve it? A good life requires a person to be of sound mind, reasonable intelligence, and even temperament. Beyond these qualities, it also helps if a person has good judgement and is aware of, and responsive to, his capacity for inner change. At its core, the person who is living a good life is fully attuned with nature and is young at heart. A good life is generated from within, and can be enjoyed by most people, regardless of age.

Values are essential for a good life. Character is destiny. Values provide us with basic direction and clarify options. Impetus for the achievement of goals and purposes, values constitute an inner gyroscope that keeps us safe, centered and ennobled. We learn them as children from our parents, teachers, and others. If we are successful in assimilating life-affirming values, they harness our energy, direct our path, and enable inner growth. A good life includes honesty, integrity, compassion, frugality, perseverance, courage, loyalty, gratitude, benevolence, moderation, discipline, authenticity, imagination, patience and humility. Values, like the bank of a river, channel a person's life, and prevent dissipation of energy and wasting of time.

Time is the most precious gift granted to a human being. The quality of one's life is intimately connected with the use or misuse of time. Think about it. What is the one feature in contemporary life which is most in demand? What do we never seem to have enough of? The sense of time colors everything in our lives, especially our mood and sense of well being. Critical to a good life, effective time management quickly settles the dust in our turbulent lives. Setting priorities, getting organized, and targeting reasonable goals for ourselves and our time can give each of us inner space to breathe, grow, reflect, relax, smell the roses, embrace our loved ones, and give thanks to our Creator. Time is something we all take for granted, until we run out of it. The events of 9/11 taught us all just how fleeting time is. There is too little to waste.

To the ingredients of character and time may be added a third prerequisite for a good life - an awareness of, and deep appreciation for, the gifts that bless our lives. One maxim which guides my life is - enjoy what I have while working for what I want. This idea encapsulates several attitudes upon which a good life depends. The ability to love life as it exists in the here and now, without regard for future anxieties or past failures, is a powerful spiritual and mental elixir. Nature, friends, family, cinema, and the humanities are personal loves that enrich my life. Understanding that I have the power within me to develop my life in any way that I choose, without undue reliance on external forces or circumstances, also contributes immeasurably to happiness. This freedom to choose one's own road on the landscape of life is a hallmark of an actualized, mature person who lives in a free society. Ultimately, however, it is not the society which is responsible for promoting the quality of a person's life, but the individual himself.

Mental hygiene is an important component in enhancing one's quality of life. A person's attitude toward himself and others will determine his success in achieving happiness. Attitude determines altitude. Victor Frankle, founder of logotherapy, author of Man's Search For Meaning, and a survivor of Nazi death camps wrote, "everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." This idea can be very frightening or very liberating. It forces each of us to choose the orientation that will guide our destiny - either passive fatalism or energizing self-responsibility. Self-made people choose their own destiny, blazing their own trail. They accept sole accountability for the results of their decisions and for their lives.

In no other area of life is this choice so clearly manifested as it is in an individual's financial status. Attitude plays a key role in our decisions about money. How much is enough? How many dollars equal happiness? How many possessions should I own? In our materialistic society we are valued by our worth as measured in dollars and cents. Is this the correct way to value self and others? There is another option. As long as a person has the financial means necessary to sustain minimum life needs, a good life is possible. All the great religious sages have affirmed the dominion of spirit over matter. Jesus was explicit in his condemnation of the rich, as was the Buddha. "For where your treasure is, so will your heart be also." Happiness is a state of mind that is within the individual. Being is more important than having. Money has its place in an well-ordered, balanced life. It is, however, a means to an end, and is no substitute for a well-lived life. Excessive focus on wealth may detract from one's quality of life by creating a fear of loss. Modest means are sufficient for happiness. True treasure lies within and above.

More important than the actual amount of money and possessions that a person owns is his management of these assets. Achieving a good life is entirely possible with minimal assets, provided those assets are managed well over time. Debt, especially credit card debt, should be strictly avoided. Likewise, unsound mortgage financing. Expenses should always be below income, preferably well below. If income decreases, so should expenses. Savings and investment in diversified financial instruments, like mutual funds, bonds, and real estate, are all parts of a balanced portfolio. In our consumer-oriented society we are all barraged with advertising to spend more on the latest technological innovation or product without regard to its impact on personal finances. Do I really need the latest cell phone? Can my budget afford the newest television? Again, enjoy what you have, while working for what you want. Keep your eyes on the prize - the prize of a good life as you define it.

Speaking of budgets, do you have one - one that is written down, or on a spreadsheet which you prepare every year, update every month, and adhere to? Your financial quality of life is most dependent on this habit of budget maintenance. Otherwise, how can you keep track of how much income you receive and how much you spend? It may seem like a very laborious chore to record every expense at the time you incur it, but this practice will pay huge dividends in your ability to manage your money, and your life. It is amazing how much the little things add up, and how much inflation eats into spending power. If you keep a budget, you will be in a position to control your finances better. I created a personal financial system ten years ago which consists of a variety of forms which I designed. Now I know exactly how much I spend, what I spend it on, and if my budget is balanced. The net effect of this simple act of creating my own financial system has greatly improved my ability to manage my personal finances and enhance the quality of my life. No longer a victim of money, I now make money work for me.

A home is one's largest financial investment. The most important place in the world, the home is a shelter from the storm, a safe haven in a crazy world. It is where we spend time with the people we love. A good life depends on a good home. It should be secure, comfortable and furnished according to our particular taste and preference. It need not be expensive, and should be within our budget. The location of our residence is as important as the residence itself. Living in a quiet neighborhood in a small, human-scale, well-planned community is preferable to residing in a large urban area. Towns located in the south and west tend to offer a healthier, more modern environment, and experience more temperate climate. Wherever you elect to live, your decision should be based on the attributes of that area rather than on economic factors alone.

Each home is unique, a reflection of the people who reside there. The people sharing our home can have a profound influence on the quality of our life. Ideally, compatibility of interests, life styles and values should exist in the home. Open, honest and regular communication between inhabitants is a vital part of the pleasant abode. Each person should feel that he is an integral member of the household, his views needs and space of equal status with other housemates. Chores, expenses and maintenance should be shared according to the resources of each resident. Privacy should be respected. For my first twenty years I lived with my family. Then I moved into my own apartment and have since lived in apartments or private homes. Currently I live alone in an apartment. Whatever the circumstances, I always valued the relationships which I formed. I learned that each person is unique, and compatibility could not be taken for granted just because someone was sharing the same space as I was.

Like a large, leafy tree, relationships give us shade throughout the seasons of our lives. Be they friends, family or lovers, compatibility is key. All can be sources of enjoyment, enlightenment and growth. They teach us so much. I found some of my best friends at work or in my neighborhood. Two of my earliest friends were Takie and Mary. Greek-Americans, they lovingly shared their rich Mediterranean cultural traditions with me. Takie taught me about auto mechanics, and also shared his hobby with me - stamp collecting. Both Takie and Mary cooked tasty Greek delicacies which we enjoyed together. When I relocated to the West Coast I befriended other people. Many had relocated to California from the Midwest. Among the finest people, they continue to enrich my life. We need friends in order to live a good life; to share the good times and the bad times; and to laugh and cry with.

Friendship need not be limited to humans, however. Pets are among the most enchanting creatures that enhance the quality of our lives. They have a positive effect on our mood and general health. Because we select our pets based on compatibility, they may be easier to live with than people are. Some people are cat people. Others enjoy dogs. I prefer birds, and currently own three Australian Grass Parakeets. Pets are a source of endless enjoyment, fascination, and amusement. Pets teach us the value of non-human life forms. Although they are different from us, they have many of the same needs. They need food, water and shelter; they need to feel loved and respected; they need their space and time alone; they need to be treated as unique creations of God. Like people, they share this beautiful Earth with us, and contribute so much to our happiness. They never stop giving, and help us feel loved and wanted. When we lose a pet, we feel the pain deeply because we love them so much. Bless the animals and the children.

A good life also depends on good health. While pets have a beneficial effect on our mental and physical health, other things can enhance one's health as well. The importance of positive attitude has already been mentioned. Mood is basically a function of mind. Change your thinking, change your life. Do what you can do with what you have. When performing a task, divide and conquer. Don't try and do too much all at once. Prioritize. Don't get depressed about feeling a little blue. Take a walk. Breathe fresh air. Get a good night's sleep. Things will look better in the morning. Talk things out with friends or loved ones. Communication provides objectivity and comfort. When necessary, obtain professional counseling. Above all, accept the fact that you are a human being, fallible, unique, and worthy.

Good physical health habits go hand in glove with good mental hygiene. If you treat your body well, it will pay dividends for many years. As we age our metabolism slows down. We just don't burn the calories that we did when we were an active, growing child or teen. Adjust accordingly. Eat less. Exercise moderately. It is now a scientific fact that people who eat less live longer and healthier lives. Those veggies and fruits are especially important. Regular exercise which gets the heart pumping vigorously also has proven health benefits. The exercise should be something we enjoy and that works the heart, lungs and muscles. A regular regimen of swimming, fast walking, biking and light weight training accomplishes this goal. An annual physical exam is another key ingredient in a good life. Preventing a disease or accident is better than treating a disease or injury. When added to a person's selection of positive lifestyle choices, timely and professional medical care can add years to life.

Like the body, the brain requires healthful stimulation. Life-long learning is a feature of a good life which keeps our minds active and hearts young. Reading a book, writing an essay, taking a class, viewing a thought provoking movie, or conversing with friends about issues of the day all provide exercise for our brains. If you have a passion, indulge it. I love studying the humanities, especially history, biographies and public affairs. Culture and hobbies, too, add to happiness by engaging us in activities which naturally attracts our interest. Attending a concert, visiting a museum, playing a musical instrument, participating in sports, gardening, and nature walks are examples of these. Life is a serious business, but fun also has its place. Amusement parks, county fairs and holiday parades are fun ways to celebrate life. Just hanging out with friends and loved ones is another form of relaxation that keeps us balanced, whole and tuned up.

Robert Fulghum wrote, "Making a living and making a life that's worthwhile are not the same thing. Living the good life and living a good life are not the same thing." Earning a living is a necessity-driven exercise. Being a person who is concerned with, and actively engaged in, service to life and the living is quite another. Albert Schweitzer, Mother Theresa, the Dali Lama, and St. Francis of Assisi are examples of people who chose to live a good life by dedicating themselves in loving service to a noble cause. They responded to an inner vision and, by doing so, inspired others. Their missions transcended their lives. Each of us can also serve as a role model by living a good life. By helping others we also learn about ourselves. There are many people in our families and communities that are in need. The animals and planet also need us. By reaching out we also grow within. Donate blood, tutor a youngster, teach an immigrant to read English, assist the aged or disabled with shopping or transportation, or foster homeless, abused animals. "The greatest gift one person can give another is the example of a life well lived."

Integrating, balancing and harmonizing the elements of a good life requires practice and patience. You are only as strong as your weakest link. Be aware of difficulties which have hurt you in the past, and learn how to prevent their reoccurrence. Transform adversity into opportunity. Balance your time and effort. Take little bites of life, but savior them fully. Moderate your passions and emotions. Don't expect perfection from yourself or others. Life is finite, spirit infinite. Understand that life is on loan to you, and that you own nothing but your spirit. Harmonize your spirit with Universal Soul. Concentrate on being rather than having, listening rather than speaking. Take time to reflect; pray for guidance. Go to a quiet, peaceful place, your sacred place, and listen to the response of your spirit child. He will guide you right.

In summary, a good life is available to most people. It requires a person to be reasonably intelligent, of good judgement and even temperament. The capacity for inner change, a young heart, and an appreciation for life's blessings are paramount. Good values, consistently applied, anchor, direct and energize a good life. Time, our most precious gift, can also be our greatest tool when it is managed well. Taking the time to enjoy life, while also working to improve it, are indicators of a superior quality of life. The attitude that a person chooses will, in large measure, determine his success in achieving personal goals. Money and possessions, when appropriately valued and properly managed can be pivotal. The companionship of good friends, family, loved ones and pets greatly enhance quality of life. Sound health habits, both mental and physical, prolong life and make it more rewarding. Lifestyle determines quality of life. So do life-long learning, culture, hobbies and service to others. Integrating, balancing and harmonizing these essential elements promote the chance that an individual will achieve that elusive, much valued treasure - the happy and good life.

When I was a child of ten I had an experience that I never forgot. It was a winter evening, and a cold front had just passed through New England. I went outside and stood by our front steps next to snow-laden evergreen trees. It was then and there that all the awesome beauty and beneficence of God and nature enveloped me. A million diamonds lighted the clear black sky. The Arctic air tasted like a glacier, sharp, pure and clean. All was quiet and peaceful. In that moment I felt timeless. God, nature and I were one. I took a deep breath, than another, and yet another. I filled my small lungs with the good air, and my whole body exalted in the ethereal bounty. Never had I felt more alive, and in harmony with my spirit. God talked to me that night in a language that only an innocent and trusting ten-year old child could understand. Isn't this the essence of a good life too - to have such an experience, and to remember and appreciate it for the miracle that it is? To never lose sight of the fact that life is a miracle is to remain receptive to the beauty and wonder of it all. Henry David Thoreau said it best: "Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake."




Art Apruzzese

Essay #14
August 25, 2007

Los Osos, California